Birth intentions: prayers to god and the universe. A proposal to change the term “Birth Plan” to birth intentions
May my baby be safe
May my body be healthy
May my birth go smoothly
May I feel empowered during labor
May I be able to manage my pain.
May those around me, hold space for me and provide me with courage for this birth.
May I have an uncomplicated vaginal birth, but if this is not to be, may I let go of my expectations and accept a different path.
As part of the oppressive medical system in which I trained as an obstetrician, we hated when a patient would come in with a “Birth Plan” and then we would always have some sort of negative comment. My colleagues and I unfairly judged so many women with their birth plans simply because they were asking us for something that we typically did not do. We weren’t trained to trust that birthing mothers had any power. Medical school taught us that the body was a one-dimensional biological system, without the mind-body-spirit connection and our interventions were what really made the difference. That EGO was deeply embedded in our medical culture. The medico-legal system was the ever-present energy on the labor floor. Furthermore, in every medical system I have worked in, obstetricians were overworked, underpaid, exhausted and often in highly stressful life and death situations. With this framework, we had many of judgements.
Gabor Mate dedicates a whole chapter the medicalization of childbirth in his new book “The Myth of Normal”. It's a huge book and I haven’t finished it yet! In this chapter he discusses how our society does not treat pregnant women well. In fact, I remember we would roll our eyes at women who would ask us for extra disability, not realizing the importance of the mind-body-spirit connection. This was never part of our training. Moreover, we ourselves are traumatized as medical professions so the concept of someone looking out for their own well-being, and thus the wellbeing of the life inside was frowned upon. The body is just a machine, no need to relax, meditate, talk to your baby, or anything deeper like perhaps looking at your own inner child and how your own trauma may affect your parenting. So we pass down our trauma to our children(the science behind that is called epigenetics).
But there is no other way around the fact that childbirth IS extremely unpredictable. We don’t know when labor is going to start, or how long it is going to last. The best ultrasounds can only predict the actual weight within ½ pound in either direction. We make predictions but can never really be certain if the patient is going to need a C/S or how long she will push. We don’t know who is going to bleed heavily, possibly requiring a transfusion, if the baby’s shoulders will get stuck (shoulder dystocia) and many other complications that make obstetrics in the top highest liability insurance specialties in the United States.
My own journey to motherhood was a very stressful roller coaster ride. After three rounds of very stressful in-vitro fertilization and two miscarriages, I was having twins! At 23 weeks gestation (about 6 months) I was told twin B had hydrocephalus. I was sent to several specialists and collected as much data as possible. In fact, some of the information I got from my own colleages was completely outdated and incorrect. I chose to continue the pregnancy, with worry for the remainder of the pregnancy. At 34 weeks, I got pre-eclampsia and had to be delivered early. Twin A ended up coming out severely growth restricted at 3pounds, 14 ounces and Twin B was completely neurologically intact. In fact, he’s more than okay. He’s highly intelligent, sensitive and empathic. As for the tiny growth restricted twin A, well she turned out rather fierce having to fight from the very beginning.
I also had this ridiculous notion that because I ate so well and meditated daily, none of the normal diseases of pregnancy, like pre-eclampsia or diabetes was going to happen to me. Of course, I had both maternal complications and fetal complications. Nothing was a guarantee. We couldn’t even control not knowing the sexes which we wanted to be a surprise at birth. The genetic counselor decided to let that cat out of the bag; so even in that situation, you see, we had no control.
I propose a new term: Birth Intentions. It seems more of an offering and prayer to the universe for a mother’s deepest desire during this spiritual experience. The word “plan” evokes control to me. Control is an illusion, and hard lesson that I continue to learn again every day, not just at work, but in all aspects of my life. We need to let go and flow which yields that path that is intended for us far more than the one we think we are supposed to be on. Great Thought and Spiritual leaders across the USA talk about this all the time. Gabby Bernstein, motivational speaker, and NYT bestselling author, wrote the book The Universe has Your Back. Her Instagram posts are frequently about letting go control so you can see what the universe may offer.
From Gabby Bernstein’s IG:
“Look at you, no longer controlling anything or anyone because you understand that there are infinite ways for the universe to bring you what you want. Wisdom looks good on you.
“When I think I’ve surrendered, I surrender more”
“You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust let go and see what happens”
Tara Divina, musician, song writer, business mentor and medicine woman, writes beautiful lyrics which have become mantras for me.
Just Let Go:
Wondering through the maze in my mind
Trying to find an answer
But my heart already knows which way I need to go
But I want to hold on a little longer
But every moment that I wait to surrender to my fate
My soul cries out for me to listen
Listen deeply she says, you were meant for better things
I know you don’t think that you are ready
But you are ready
Yes you are ready
And then I hear her say
Just Let Go
It’s alright now
Just Let Go
You’ll be alright now
Intend and Surrender:
Everything that happens is the best thing that could happen
Is the only thing that could happen
Is the best thing that could happen
Help me remember this truth
In the moments that matter the most
Help me open to the flow
More and more and more and more
Cause when I let go of what I think I need
Something better comes and I am freed
Help me loosen my grip on reality
When I think I know how things should be
This doesn’t mean you give up your power, you are just giving up some of the false idea that we have control. By doing so, we have more power. Many trauma victims, including me, try to control. It’s a maladaptive mechanism that we use for survival. Letting go and releasing(simply by closing your eyes and breathing is the start), allows our bodies to relax and changes your vibration at a cellular level. This is a practice that we can do over and over again, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Once this starts happening, we can start opening to all the possibilities that the Universe indeed has to offer us.
This is not just for a Birth Plan, but for the entire spiritual journey of being a mother. My highly sensitive son teaches me this over and over again. “Let Go Mamma” his spirit says to me, over and over again, let me be my own person, let me make my own decisions. This is such a hard thing for us to do as parents in a world gone mad.
So YES, I am proposing the new term “Birth Intentions” as a prayer to the universe:
May my baby be safe
May my body be healthy
May my birth go smoothly
May I feel empowered during labor
May I be able to manage my pain.
May those around me, hold space for me and provide me with courage for this birth.
May I have an uncomplicated vaginal birth, but if this is not to be, may I let go of my expectations and accept a different path.